The more I think about it, the more it freaks me out. The future and stuff, I mean. Its like, with 74.3% of life remaining (at least, hopefully), what am I going to do? My major says I'll be sitting behind an back lit LCD screen punching keys and moving a mouse around to make some virtual machine do my bidding. Technically the companies bidding, I suppose. My heart says photography maybe. I'm really into film, I just feel like that might be a stretch.... but maybe someday. I mean seriously, photography is an obsession of mine. I analyze the lighting around me in idle time. I picture compositions and poses in my spare time. I am always trying to figure out the next step. Eh, this became more about me than I intended.
Back to the crisis.
So, as a twenty-something, I need to be figuring out what sort of impact I'm going to have on the rest of the world. I see amazing skyscrapers and think about the hands that made it. The sum of the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. This is a hard concept for someone who has such an individual mindset like me. I just want to be an artist. I want my contribution to be emotional impact. Emotional or intellectual. Or somewhere in the gray area between. I want my impact to... be.
So I wonder if this quarter life crisis is why so many people rush into marriage. It just dawned on me. Maybe people are like, oh crap, I gotta get a hurry on this life stuff. Bam, working 9-5 with three kids, a house in the suburbs, PTA, minivan... hell yeah, its the American dream. I swear, I'm not as cynical as I sound. I don't want to take life slow, by any means, I just don't want to rush either, and miss out.
Anyways, tonight I saw a documentary called "An Alternative to Slitting Your Wrist". It was about this man, Owen Lowery, who instead of killing himself, decides to make a list of things to do. He has 52 items, one for each week of a year. The movie follows him through the year, revealing much about his depression and mind set. Its amazing. It just was so much about hope. Its hard to say exactly what it was the effected me about this film, but it just gave me such a good feeling. Thanks Owen Lowery. In the movie he mentioned his quarter life crisis. I had never heard about it, so I decided I would blog it out.
2 comments:
is blogging it out like working out?
i wish.
it is pretty depressing to think about all the people who dream of making a mark on the world--who even do more than dream, who PLAN to make this mark--and who just don't. i mean there are so many people in the world. everyone has a story. but we don't remember or even know about them. on the other hand, it could be more motivating. we have to have balls, us planners, if we are going to create something big, something notable.
and that is such a great point about the marriage thing. maybe some people want to make an emotional impact like you on the world and then just revert to something easy and achievable (or so they think) which is making an emotional impact--on themselves and a few select.
and i mean you just have to think: is that enough? i mean, couldn't it be enough? but even, personally, if we decide that it's enough...it probably won't be enough forever, you know? WE as in the collective youth-turning-adult we who are planning all these things.
we should write a song about blogging it out. think about it. it could be hilarious.
keith,fyi i've been sucked into this blog world
reading your font on here makes my eyes hurt, and it seems like when i look at the line i'm reading it is dark, and the line above it is white. if that makes sense? and now i'm seeing black and white stripes across this screen...
anyway, i had this template too, and then saw yours, and changed mine because i don't want to be a copier.
back to your blog, which, btw was very interesting, i hope you figure this whole life thing out. i hope you pick a path that you are the most passionate about, whether that is art or computers or both? maybe thats it, combining all the things you love. i dunno, but lets shoot people again, preferably on their wedding day, and lots of children.
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