My Walk

So long I've viewed my walk with God as a sort of cat and mouse chase. I start off somewhere with God barely in sight and strive and try to reach Him, and then when I get close he runs off again into the distance. This explains why I get so exhausted with my walk sometimes. I get to a place where I feel like I've made progress with myself and with God and then it hits the fan and I'm at the bottom again. I stop to catch my breath and cant find God again.

But today God revealed to me that it's not like that.

It's more like I am swimming in an ocean, continually struggling while He continually reaches out His hand. It is always there for me to grab, but rarely do I. There are times when I've felt Him holding me above the water for periods of time, but more so in my life I feel myself struggling against the current reaching for things much easier to grab, things that are not rooted, that satisfy quickly but let down right after. Instead of seeking and reaching the hand often I'll just talk about the hand, or read things that talk about the hand (Christian books and stuff), or think about the hand and all its complications beyond my comprehension, while the one thing that will help is just grabbing the hand.

It has been a long time frustration with myself that I seek knowledge of God before I seek relationship with God. My "reading about the hand" as opposed feeling the hand itself, reading my bible, taking intention quiet time, stuff like that.

mewithoutYou said it best, "We have our beliefs but we dont want our beliefs, God of Love, we want you."

I'm going to bed now.