Man... it was a weird day at my church. I was there for a friends wedding party. It was really cool to see a lot of people that I hadn't seen in a really long time. There were a couple people that I really wanted to catch up with. Those people, I would say, "Hey, how are you doing" and we would talk about me in school and stuff that was fairly mindless and then they would say, "well, it was good to see you, tell your parents I said hi". And it seemed to cut like a knife. "Nice talking to you too... I guess" I replied in my mind. Ugh.... it was just really frustrating knowing that these people who have been major players in my life just would rather not engage. I mean, honestly, they weren't going anywhere. They were sitting there and remained sitting there. Its weird feeling out of place in a place you have always thought of as a place of comfort. And honestly, there are a select number of people who totally make me feel at home there, but for all I've poured out into one thing... its weird feeling temporary. Or over. Moved on. I mean, yeah, I went back to school and resumed my thing there, but I just feel totally out of place. I've lost my place.
I love my church in Lee's Summit. I really do. They've shaped me so much. I love my church in Columbia. They've shaped me so much too. I guess its hard to exist in two different places, and I don't expect to... but at the same time, its hard to feel so... done?
4 comments:
do you think those people maybe are feeling the same way? and it's just easier for them to act that way so no one is giving THEM the shaft? self defense kind of thing.
it's funny, i mean, the things we don't realize about getting attached--the bad feelings that you don't expect about getting attached to something so natural, i mean, your home/church. you know? i mean, it's not like when you're growing up, if you're not moving a lot, you're like, "i best not get attached to my home and church, because someday i might be treated with aloofness." bleh.
and it's also funny to think about how human experiences are so revolutionary to us, you know, us who are growing up. but all of these experiences are felt by the majority of adults around us, you know? i mean, how can such a monumental experience be distributed among so many people in the world? it's weird to think about. because it doesn't make it any less important.
look i got one too! bahahaha. but i wish my picture could be big like yours.
this is a test. but if it works, you'll know that I enjoyed reading your post, and can empathize with it.
James, upstairs
i fixed it all nice
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