When Uncertainty is the Only Certainty

I'm at a time in my life, for the first time in my life, where I do not know what is next. I have no plan past 9 weeks and 2 days.

I am graduating.

Then what?

Soon I'll have to make a commitment, to either stay in Columbia, paying for rent and food, but staying where I feel the most community. Or, I can go home, and live with my parents for free while I figure out a plan. I soon must make a decision based on faith as to whether I will make things harder on my self for the sake of being close to my girlfriend and closest friends, or go home, where the job market is much more favorable for a man in my position.

Damn.

For the first time ever, things are so uncertain.

But I cant help but feel like there is a reason for this. I cant help but feel as though God has me in a situation where I have to losen my white-knuckle grip on my life and let Him take control. Sounds easy doesn't it? [sarcasm]

And I think the hardest thing is that people keep asking me, "Keith, what are you doing after graduation?"
"Well... I dont know yet."
"So... what are you going to do if you dont know?"
"...are you serious?"

I mean, I've had a couple conversations where people just keep prodding and I dont know how to kindly say "Look, you're stressing me out. I realize the severity of my situation, but it is intentional."

maybe thats the way.

I dont know. Its hard because most of the places I've applied are looking for people now. So when I send my resume and cover letter that say "I will be graduating in May and seeking a full time position", it doesn't matter to them because they're looking for someone now. So hopefully [hopefully, hopefully, hopefully] it will be easier come May. Else, I'm screwed.

And what if I am screwed? Then what? What if I cant pay rent? What if I cant find a job that will offer me health care? What about when my student loans start requiring payments?

I dont know, and maybe that's the point.

Which seems to be my mantra lately...

Maybe I dont know, and that's the point. Amen.