I find myself lately being more bound and controlled by things that I dont want to have control than maybe ever. I am anxious constantly. I need a job. My bank account is running scary low and come September 1st I have bills due. Not to mention in December when my student loans come rolling in. I dont want to be controlled by this anxiety, this waiting on Company X to call me back.
I ran into a guy yesterday walking between my house and Lis's house. He told me that the night before he got jumped right about where I met him. A group of guys were hiding in the dark and beat him up. I looked on crimereport.com and saw that there had been 3 robberies in less than a half mile from me. I dont want to be controlled by this fear.
I know the bible says to not fear those who come to steal or kill, but damn...it's a little worrisome.
I dont know what I want ultimately. I guess I want to be more secure than I am. Not necessarily in like security system/barbed wire sort of way, I mean like, secure that my worth is not here. And my life is a grain of sand in an endless ocean of time.
Heard a quote yesterday:
"A fish in search of water in the sea, is like a man in search for g-d."
Meditate on that.
